Hey you…
you- the whisper in my head and
the itch in my palms
you- the call in my heart and
the pull in my skin
I’ve missed you…
and I know you probably dont believe me
I mean I did walk away from you
an abandonment I called
“a time to listen”
but you’ve been so patient with me
occasionally sliding up next to my spirit
and nudging
whispering “hey… hey… remember…”
and me- I hear you
I just cant
cant write
cant rhyme
cant pull that old rhythm together
cant pen anything worth putting your name on
so I ignore you
the persistent whispers
your pleading hand on my shoulder
because I want to write the best poem ever written for you
and if its not amazing
and it’s not a slam perfect 10 or at least a 9.5
I dont want to write it
but you never were mine
simply a God-breathed spirit that took a fancy to me
you chose me
the sometimes manic
sometimes blue
girl learning to be a woman
and struggling at it constantly
thanks for staying with me
quietly following
knowing that relief would come my way
if I’d just write
but I’m stubborn and luckily, so are you
so this is my apology
I’m sorry.
please come make your bed beside my heart.
July 20, 2012
July 12, 2012
Ok... another work rant...
It's half an hour til lunch and I'm about to kirk out... I mean I'm here in this accounts payable office in the accounting department trying to make sense of what I'm suppose to be doing. Now, I'd just like to say:
I am by NO MEANS an accountant!
Now that I've gotten that off of my chest... who am I kidding... I don't really feel any better... I know that I can do the work. I can submit the invoices and keep things in order... it's all very repetitive, but the kicker is that everything I'm doing right now, I pretty much learned within the last few days. I've only been working here for about 2 weeks and I swear the people in the other departments think that the last lady actually trained me to take over her work. When in all actuality, she pretty much bounced. Left family photos and silverware in her desk drawer and everything... So no, I received NO TRAINING and I DONT KNOW what she was doing with all the accounts before she left... I am flying by the seat of my pants here and scrambling to pick up bits and pieces of information and details that ALWAYS turn out to be CRUCIAL to whatever case I'm working on...
[breathe caleisha breathe]
It seems that getting out of one office where I "wasn't the right fit" dropped me right into another office where I'm totally outside of my knowledge base... I know stretching oneself is good, but this has got to be the extreme view of that idea.
...This is rough...
July 2, 2012
Instagram Photo-a-Day June
Hey there! I actually completed a photo-a-day challenge on Instagram!!! yay me! Anywho, here are the photos from each day.
There you have it... the month of June in photos. You can find me on Instragram as Nadiratani.
1. Morning//2. Empty//3. On your plate//4. Close up//5. Sign//6. Hat
7. Drink//8. 6 o'clock//9. Your view today//10. Best bit of your weekend//11. Door//12. From a low angle
13. Art//14. Time//15. Yellow//16. Out and about//17. In your bag//18. Something we don't know about you
19. Imperfect//20. Fave photo you've ever taken//21. Where you slept//22. From a high angle//23. Motion//24. On you mind
25. Something cute//26. Where you shop//27. Bathroom//28. On the shelf//29. Soft//30. Friend
There you have it... the month of June in photos. You can find me on Instragram as Nadiratani.
June 22, 2012
The search for place & purpose continues...
Here are my last few days in a nutshell: we are moving you to another office because you're not the right fit for this one. Your work is awesome though, so don't be upset. We want to keep you in our system, just somewhere else.
June 30th will be my last day working as an admin secretary in the pres office at Oakwood. There are other openings on campus that have been notified of my "work awesomeness" but truly speaking, I'm having a hard time feeling solidly positive. I know that, really really, I should've quit this office like a month ago because working with the admin assistant is like pulling teeth while explaining grammar to a chihuahua... But hey, now I won't have to work with her anymore.
The Social Media Specialist/Photographic Services position in PR opened up yesterday. It's a glimmer of hope for me. I spoke about the opening with one of the ladies in HR that has been really supportive throughout my whole President's Office struggle, and she said that many times God has to allow us to work through something to get to His better plan for us. She also said that He often gives us hints that maybe where you are is not where you should be & if we miss those hints He may have to move us by other means... My mom says things like that to me all the time. She says she & I are "run into the brick wall then try everything to get around it kind of women..." So more than I'd like to think, God has had to remove me from situations when I was hellbent on making it work.
Come the first of July, I'll be in another office... not sure where & that makes me anxious, but I know that wherever it is- it'll be TONS better than my current environment.
So my search for place & purpose continues...
June 30th will be my last day working as an admin secretary in the pres office at Oakwood. There are other openings on campus that have been notified of my "work awesomeness" but truly speaking, I'm having a hard time feeling solidly positive. I know that, really really, I should've quit this office like a month ago because working with the admin assistant is like pulling teeth while explaining grammar to a chihuahua... But hey, now I won't have to work with her anymore.
The Social Media Specialist/Photographic Services position in PR opened up yesterday. It's a glimmer of hope for me. I spoke about the opening with one of the ladies in HR that has been really supportive throughout my whole President's Office struggle, and she said that many times God has to allow us to work through something to get to His better plan for us. She also said that He often gives us hints that maybe where you are is not where you should be & if we miss those hints He may have to move us by other means... My mom says things like that to me all the time. She says she & I are "run into the brick wall then try everything to get around it kind of women..." So more than I'd like to think, God has had to remove me from situations when I was hellbent on making it work.
Come the first of July, I'll be in another office... not sure where & that makes me anxious, but I know that wherever it is- it'll be TONS better than my current environment.
So my search for place & purpose continues...
June 20, 2012
Looking for my place & purpose.
It seems that every few months or so I run into an event that poses itself as a major life change. Recently, these events have reared their heads in the form of potential job loss. I think I'm looking at it again... this would be the third time in a year... loss by potential employer contract loss, loss by budget cuts, loss by... I really don't know about this one.
I've been working as an administrative secretary to the president of Oakwood University since January & have been full time since February. This sounds all great and such, but the kicker in it all is that I've been TEMPORARY for the entire time. I even told them upon getting the temp position that the only reason I was even interested was because as a PERMANENT employee of the university, I would qualify for health benefits... But alas, here we are 4 months of full time & overtime & many MANY MANY struggle days later & I'm no closer to my goal of getting health care... Everytime I bring up my status to my "manager" she has nothing to say & a bit later I hear that she has complaints about something. Those somethings often present themselves as her opinions & not things that affect my job performance, ie. I have natural hair, I don't wear suits everyday, etc...
Yesterday, she says "I need to talk to you about employment tomorrow... probably towards the end of the day" & the pessimistic side of me says, "great... you are about to come with some bullsh!t... lemme go on down to HR & see what my movement options are since you want me out of this office."
So, we'll see what happens at the end of this day. Regardless of what she says, I have a glimmer of hope at a photography job opening that I'll be applying for in the very near future. I want to get super excited about it because it would be a position IN MY FIELD OF STUDY. I would actually be doing PHOTOJOURNALISM... actually using my degree!
(For anyone who has gone through 4 years of college & worked hard to get a degree, then not use it because the job opportunities just don't exist & end up being a secretary or a cashier or a customer service rep... you know my utter delight at this possibility.)
I'm praying for that job. I'm praying for guidance & the clarity of mind to realize God's hand moving me. I'm praying for employment that is FOR me because I want to wake up in the morning happy about it. I want to use my gifts & talents. I want to see that Red Bull commercial & be like 'yeah, I've got that' instead of crying 'yeahhhh, i wanna wake up with a passionnnnnn tooooooo' (that commercial kills me...)
Going through the process of finding your place & purpose is a hard thing.
I've been working as an administrative secretary to the president of Oakwood University since January & have been full time since February. This sounds all great and such, but the kicker in it all is that I've been TEMPORARY for the entire time. I even told them upon getting the temp position that the only reason I was even interested was because as a PERMANENT employee of the university, I would qualify for health benefits... But alas, here we are 4 months of full time & overtime & many MANY MANY struggle days later & I'm no closer to my goal of getting health care... Everytime I bring up my status to my "manager" she has nothing to say & a bit later I hear that she has complaints about something. Those somethings often present themselves as her opinions & not things that affect my job performance, ie. I have natural hair, I don't wear suits everyday, etc...
Yesterday, she says "I need to talk to you about employment tomorrow... probably towards the end of the day" & the pessimistic side of me says, "great... you are about to come with some bullsh!t... lemme go on down to HR & see what my movement options are since you want me out of this office."
So, we'll see what happens at the end of this day. Regardless of what she says, I have a glimmer of hope at a photography job opening that I'll be applying for in the very near future. I want to get super excited about it because it would be a position IN MY FIELD OF STUDY. I would actually be doing PHOTOJOURNALISM... actually using my degree!
(For anyone who has gone through 4 years of college & worked hard to get a degree, then not use it because the job opportunities just don't exist & end up being a secretary or a cashier or a customer service rep... you know my utter delight at this possibility.)
I'm praying for that job. I'm praying for guidance & the clarity of mind to realize God's hand moving me. I'm praying for employment that is FOR me because I want to wake up in the morning happy about it. I want to use my gifts & talents. I want to see that Red Bull commercial & be like 'yeah, I've got that' instead of crying 'yeahhhh, i wanna wake up with a passionnnnnn tooooooo' (that commercial kills me...)
Going through the process of finding your place & purpose is a hard thing.
So, if anyone reads this, please say a prayer or leave me a prayer.
May 28, 2012
Having a Hard time...
My bestsisterfriend, Amber, got married Saturday. She married her childhood friend & boyfriend of 5 years, which is pretty cool if you ask me. They looked great.
Why is this post titled 'Having a Hard Time'? Well, I now live 14 hours away from her (Delaware to Alabama) and outside of the fact that I miss her terribly, the only time I've gotten to spend with her was the maybe 10 minutes helping her out of her wedding dress... Now, I know that a wedding is a big deal & it's probably a big unrealistic expectation to want to be able to get any quality time with the bride/newlywed... bestsisterfriends or otherwise...
Maybe I'm just taking everything a bit too personally...
Like how last night the majority of the wedding party went out to TGIFridays & they were like "Caleisha you should come home more, because that drive is HARD" and right after that Amber said "yeah cuz we're not coming down to Alabama!"
I am feeling really second-hand right now. Like not important enough for the best friend to want to make a trip to visit... I'm having a hard time making this okay in my head... I kinda want to go back home now... but the friend in me is pondering ways to get myself into her plans...
I miss my friend. I miss having her to talk to. I miss hanging out with her. I hate only being able to 'maybe' see her every 6+ months when I'm able to make the trek back to Delaware... I hate feeling like I don't matter... like not really anymore...
I thought writing would make me feel a bit better... it didn't. Now I just want to cry, sleep, eat some chocolate, & go buy things I don't need. *shrug*
--------edit--------
I'm glad to report that Amber & I were able to get together this evening. We went bowling & I told her how I'd been feeling. She reassured me that our friendship is nowhere near trouble & I need to stop being crazy.
Sometimes a bit of assurance is all you really need. :)
Why is this post titled 'Having a Hard Time'? Well, I now live 14 hours away from her (Delaware to Alabama) and outside of the fact that I miss her terribly, the only time I've gotten to spend with her was the maybe 10 minutes helping her out of her wedding dress... Now, I know that a wedding is a big deal & it's probably a big unrealistic expectation to want to be able to get any quality time with the bride/newlywed... bestsisterfriends or otherwise...
Maybe I'm just taking everything a bit too personally...
Like how last night the majority of the wedding party went out to TGIFridays & they were like "Caleisha you should come home more, because that drive is HARD" and right after that Amber said "yeah cuz we're not coming down to Alabama!"
I am feeling really second-hand right now. Like not important enough for the best friend to want to make a trip to visit... I'm having a hard time making this okay in my head... I kinda want to go back home now... but the friend in me is pondering ways to get myself into her plans...
I miss my friend. I miss having her to talk to. I miss hanging out with her. I hate only being able to 'maybe' see her every 6+ months when I'm able to make the trek back to Delaware... I hate feeling like I don't matter... like not really anymore...
I thought writing would make me feel a bit better... it didn't. Now I just want to cry, sleep, eat some chocolate, & go buy things I don't need. *shrug*
--------edit--------
I'm glad to report that Amber & I were able to get together this evening. We went bowling & I told her how I'd been feeling. She reassured me that our friendship is nowhere near trouble & I need to stop being crazy.
Sometimes a bit of assurance is all you really need. :)
May 20, 2012
The Fritz Project
Good Sunday afternoon! I hope your weekend has been pleasant.
On Friday afternoon, Lamar & I visited one of the local animal shelters to 'play with the dogs less fortunate than mine' as I like to say. Whenever you go to an animal shelter, the dogs have their "please adopt me" faces ready. Anywho, on this particular trip, we met a number of adorable dogs ready to be adopted.
The point of this post is a dog that is not pictured. His name was Fritz & the attendant said he had been sitting in the same corner for 3 days. He was scared of everything & everyone. She climbed into the corral with him & tried to coax him out of the corner... he didn't move... just crouched there with his huge scared eyes. Sadly, because of his immense fear, they determined that he wasn't fit to be adopted. So he was taken off of the adoption list & scheduled to be put to sleep. :-( When the attendant told us what was going to happen to Fritz, she got teary eyed... I can only imagine how hard it must be to work with these dogs everyday & then have to put one down for any reason... let alone because it's so fearful.
I know... sad story... I cried for a while because I wished there was something I could've done for the little guy. So I've decided that while I couldn't do anything for Fritz, I can do something for the rest of the dogs hoping for homes.
The Fritz Project is a donation project. I am going to make blankets for the shelter dogs- crochet, knit, sewn. All handmade. All donated to the animal shelter here in Huntsville.
On Friday afternoon, Lamar & I visited one of the local animal shelters to 'play with the dogs less fortunate than mine' as I like to say. Whenever you go to an animal shelter, the dogs have their "please adopt me" faces ready. Anywho, on this particular trip, we met a number of adorable dogs ready to be adopted.
 |
| Click for Petfinder Website |
I know... sad story... I cried for a while because I wished there was something I could've done for the little guy. So I've decided that while I couldn't do anything for Fritz, I can do something for the rest of the dogs hoping for homes.
The Fritz Project is a donation project. I am going to make blankets for the shelter dogs- crochet, knit, sewn. All handmade. All donated to the animal shelter here in Huntsville.
 |
| The beginning of the first Fritz blanket. |
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| Kiva is my own shelter dog. Give pet adoption a try. It's very rewarding! |
If you'd like to join in, you are quite welcome to come spread a little puppy love!
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