June 20, 2012

Looking for my place & purpose.

It seems that every few months or so I run into an event that poses itself as a major life change.  Recently, these events have reared their heads in the form of potential job loss.  I think I'm looking at it again... this would be the third time in a year... loss by potential employer contract loss, loss by budget cuts, loss by... I really don't know about this one. 

I've been working as an administrative secretary to the president of Oakwood University since January & have been full time since February.  This sounds all great and such, but the kicker in it all is that I've been TEMPORARY  for the entire time.  I even told them upon getting the temp position that the only reason I was even interested was because as a PERMANENT employee of the university, I would qualify for health benefits... But alas, here we are 4 months of full time & overtime & many MANY MANY struggle days later & I'm no closer to my goal of getting health care... Everytime I bring up my status to my "manager" she has nothing to say & a bit later I hear that she has complaints about something. Those somethings often present themselves as her opinions & not things that affect my job performance, ie. I have natural hair, I don't wear suits everyday, etc...

Yesterday, she says "I need to talk to you about employment tomorrow... probably towards the end of the day" & the pessimistic side of me says, "great... you are about to come with some bullsh!t... lemme go on down to HR & see what my movement options are since you want me out of this office."

So, we'll see what happens at the end of this day.  Regardless of what she says, I have a glimmer of hope at a photography job opening that I'll be applying for in the very near future.  I want to get super excited about it because it would be a position IN MY FIELD OF STUDY. I would actually be doing PHOTOJOURNALISM... actually using my degree!

(For anyone who has gone through 4 years of college & worked hard to get a degree, then not use it because the job opportunities just don't exist & end up being a secretary or a cashier or a customer service rep... you know my utter delight at this possibility.)

I'm praying for that job.  I'm praying for guidance & the clarity of mind to realize God's hand moving me.  I'm praying for employment that is FOR me because I want to wake up in the morning happy about it. I want to use my gifts & talents.  I want to see that Red Bull commercial & be like 'yeah, I've got that' instead of crying 'yeahhhh, i wanna wake up with a passionnnnnn tooooooo' (that commercial kills me...)

Going through the process of finding your place & purpose is a hard thing.

So, if anyone reads this, please say a prayer or leave me a prayer.

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